Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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