Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
