Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
