His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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