I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
