so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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