I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
