did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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