that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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