Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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