Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
