If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to