So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
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The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype