I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
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im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus