Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
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There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?