I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed