Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
