I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
