How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
