i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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