I want to make a zoo with you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
