A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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