just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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