You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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