you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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