i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
