Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
