so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
