final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
