waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
