? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
