Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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