the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
