i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
