Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
