You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
