yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
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