i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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