I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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