Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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