if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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