If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
