paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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