speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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