I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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