I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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