I murdered the dance floor call the cops
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
