I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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