The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think my moral compass just broke
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
