Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
