im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize