WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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