Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
