I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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