Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize
