i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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