tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
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Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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