Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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