The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
