I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
