What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
