We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
