If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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