i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
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Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
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he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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