My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
