capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
